Sera que eu quero voltar para o Brasil?

Oi Gente!

Hoje o post e' sobre um assunto que anda muito pela minha cabeca ultimamente.

Voltar para o Brasil.

Pela primeira vez depois de um ano eu tive vontade de voltar pro Brasil.

Mas nao foi por causa do programa de au pair, as coisas estao dando pra levar aqui na casa, tipo assim, nao vou dizer que podia ser pior, mas tipo assim, ok sabe, nao e' nenhuma novidade que existem familias nao tao boas... no programa.

A vontade que bateu de voltar pro Brasil e' por causa da area sentimental mesmo, como vcs sabem eu e o meu [ex] namorado estamos terminados ja' faz um mes e hj eu so' consigo ver como se nao tivesse volta.

Eu tenho amigas aqui, mas sei la', no Brasil era diferente quando eu sofria algo desse tipo, na verdade era diferente em todos os sentidos, mas a real e' que eu sinto muita falta da Glaucea, da Giovanna, da Aline, da Karen, minhas melhores amigas. Que eu sempre tive um super apoio delas e sempre me colocaram pra cima. Aqui eu tenho a Priscila e a Lilly, alem das au pairs de longe que as vezes eu ligo tbm pra contar as coisas e desabafar.

Mas sei la', essa semana foi muito dificil pra mim nesse sentido, eu penso na minha familia, na minha irma, que tambem ta sofrendo e eu me sinto mal pq eu nao to la' pra apoiar ela, as minhas amigas, enfim tudo.

Mas ao mesmo tempo eu penso na vida aqui, por pior que esteja eu nao consigo me enxergar voltando pro Brasil por exemplo semana que vem. Eu imagino como seria a minha vida voltando pra la' e eis os fatores que me dao medo:

1. Voltar a busca por empregos, se eu passar muito tempo desempregada eu surto, arrumar um emprego ganhando pouco eu tbm nao vou querer, aqui eu ganho pouco, mas pelo menos eu vejo mais a cor do dinheiro, no Brasil eu ganhava rasoavel e nao via nada do dinheiro.
2. O clima e' muito quente, tanto no Rio quanto em Natal entao se eu voltar pra qq uma dessas cidades, eu nao sei nao, acho que de cara vai ser meio complicado, sei la' no verao passado eu passei ate mal nos dias que fizeram mto calor, entao acho que ja desacostumei.
3. O Idioma. hahaha Parece piada mas eu esqueco o portugues o tempo inteiro, eu esqueco como se fala coisas bobas em portugues, ando misturando muito ingles e portugues na minha cabeca, sem querer eu falo errado demais e vivo me perguntando como se escrevem tais palavras em portugues tbm, pq eu nao lembro direito como. Acho isso uma vergonha, nunca achei que isso fosse acontecer comigo, quando eu cheguei aqui eu achava que brasileiro que falava ingles e portugues numa mesma frase e' porque queria dar uma de metido, mas na verdade e' pq depois de um tempo o ingles se torna mais facil, depois de um tempo a palavra que vc tem na ponta da lingua e' em ingles ao inves de portugues.
4. Vou perder parte da minha liberdade e independencia.
5. Nao poder viajar tanto como a gente pode aqui.
6. Amo falar ingles e ver TV em ingles, nao sei como vai ser ver um filme dublado por exemplo ou com legendas em portugues.
7. Amo as facilidades e o consumismo.

As minhas vontades de voltar pro Brasil diminuem ainda mais quando eu leio o blog de quem ja' voltou e vejo poucas historias de sucesso. ok eu sei um monte de historias de sucesso, mas tbm sei um monte de gente com homesick daqui.

Sei la' acho que eu quero voltar um dia, mas nao agora, eu sei que esse meu sentimento vai passar, e' so' saudades na verdade, nao uma vontade de voltar definitivamente. Pq na verdade eu sempre soube que grande parte de mim quer ficar aqui pra sempre e so' uma partezinha que quer voltar.

Ai sera' que eu caso ou compro uma bicicleta? ahahaha tem pessoa mais confusa?

Quando eu descobrir o que eu quero eu conto.

Agora e vc? Quer voltar ou quer ficar? ou pra quem ta no Brasil: quer vir?

PS. Qualquer hora eu volto pra falar da California, so' preciso achar tempo tbm.

Beijos,

Michelle

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Mais de 200 posts! + Outono!

Oi Gente!

Esse e' um post comemorativo, to completando mais de 200 post nesse blog, esse e' o 202.

Wow nunca pensei que eu ia longe com o lance do blog!

Sei que tenho sido meio ausente ultimamente mas e devido as circunstancias que eu tenho vivido.

As coisas ja estao se ajeitando e com certeza logo logo eu vou estar 100% bem de novo, disso eu tenho certeza!

Hoje eu passei mais pra fazer um comentario sobre o outono, minha estacao do ano favorita, quando eu saio pra caminhar que eu olho a paisagem daqui, essas cores vermelhas das arvores e as folhas caindo o tempo inteiro, parecem uma chuvinha, eu fico maravilhada.

Quando eu cheguei aqui ano passado era outono neh, tipo assim eu lembro do meu primeiro dia aqui em Massachusetts, numa sexta feira saindo da Escola do treinamento, eu fiquei maravilhada com as folhas das arvores, nunca tiha visto nada como aquilo e hoje quando eu olho eu sinto aquele sentimento que eu senti quando cheguei aqui.

Uma mistura de felicidade com admiracao, nao sei explicar.

Confiram algumas das fotos que eu bati no sabado.

Semana passada eu fui numa fazenda de Apple Picking [Colheita de Macas] e tipo assim foi otimo, isso e' uma coisa legal pra se fazer, bem a cara do outono mesmo, a fazenda tem um cheirinho gostoso e as macas sao limpinhas no pe' ainda, bem fresquinhas sabe, uma delicia! Tinha um labirinto la, o primeiro labirinto que eu entrei na vida, de verdade sabe, feito de plantas, achei o maximo. Beijos, Michelle

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The bright side of my story...

Hi Guys!!!

Well, I still gonna write in English, because this is the second part of the last post. But now I'll say the good things that happened this last days.

First I want to thank you all who commented in my last post, I am really happy about all the responses I got here. I'm really glad because there are people who care about me and wish me the best. All I can say is thanks and God bless you all. I hope you never have the same situation I have had.

So... Where did I stop last time?

Ok, I got a new host family and now I live in Hingham, Massachusetts. Everybody knows how I love Massachusetts, right? And you all know how I always like to say that Massachusetts is the best state ever, I don't want to live somewhere else and bla bla bla...

Well, things change. ahahaha I mean, I still love Massachusetts and I'm really really happy because I'm still living here, still in South Shore like I always wanted and even better because I'm closer to Canton and my best friends.

But, you know what? When I went to California, some thoughts that I had changed a little bit...

I really really loved California, at least the little part that I went it was really nice. But have heard that San Francisco is really beautiful, San Diego and of the Orange County is nice as well.

I loved the way the weather is nice, I loved the Palm trees everywhere, I loved the vibe in LA, everything is so real, so fun, so positive!

For me what is wonderful is that Santa Monica Beach, is lovely, is charming, is so California!

I don't have another way to describe, it looks like all that american movies in beachs were made there, is so good to be there, I really loved, in that moment with all that problems that I was going through, I really could find a peaceful place to sit down and just relax my mind.

When I was there sitting in the sand, with that sun, and wind, and the ocean sound, I felt good, like my old house in Natal, where I used to sit in sand and just watch the sea.

For one second I wished to live there, I wanted that for myself, I was still mad with Thiago and I was thinking in ask Cultural Care to find a family for me in California!

Look how crazy we can be when we are mad at something.

This could be my biggest mistake ever. I'm glad I didn't. Even if is already snowing here, I glad where I am.

Well, in California I went to Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Bel-Air, Santa Monica and The Universal Studios, which is awesome!

As a lot of people asked, I didn't go to Mariah's Concert in Vegas. Why? Because I was completaly desperate, There was no way to go. Nothing would make me feel better at that time.

I just wanted to pray, ask Lord for his mercy because I really needed. It was a lot of things at the same time. I know you understand. I didn't go to Grand Canyon either. Same reason.

I know I'll have another opportunity some day.

Now about me and Thiago...

We're fine, we're getting along, I know we are going to make up because is really obvious we really love each other and we just can not be separated.

We still talk everyday, we still feel those butterflies in the stomach when we see each other. But some things takes time.

My relation with my new host family is not good, we are definitely not getting along, I already know that I can't live here for a year. I'll change, I just waiting the right time.

Obrigada a todos que tem lido o meu blog, desculpa a demora, mas tem sido dificil conseguir vir postar, to meio sem tempo, mas torcam por mim, continuem vindo aqui que eu vou manter o blog.

Uma coisa que eu notei nos meus feeds e' que muita gente vai no google e pesquisa o meu nome ou meu nick la' antes de vir no meu blog, entao eu acho legal pq quer dizer que tem gente me procurando neh, achei o maximo!

Enfim e' isso!

Beijos e obrigada por todos os comentarios!

Michelle

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Dark Side of My Story...

Hello Everyone!!!

Hoje o post e' ingles por que so' e' destinado a parte das pessoas que leem esse blog. As Au Pairs. Nao deixem de ler nao, por que eu nunca falo de au pair nesse blog entao hoje e' uma excecao.

Well guys...

I don't really know from where I should start, but I gonna try tell the whole history.

As you all know, I found my new match one month ago, I was happy because I'd stay here in the Boston area as I always wanted, with just one child, a baby, a car just for myself, my own room with bathroom, I was really happy because all this looked like a better deal for me, but somehow I still felt something strange with that host family, I didn't know what was that, but somehow I wasn't very excited about that.

Then I stopped work with my old host family and took my vacation week.

I had planned go to California before go to Las Vegas and go to Mariah Carey Concert, but a lot of things had happened before this.

First thing that happened was my boyfriend broke up with me, now I understand his reasons but still I was devastated, feeling the worse feelings ever. I almost quit my trip to California, because I wasn't feeling like I'd enjoy the trip, I just wanted cry all the time.

My friends insisted that I should go to California, then I decided go there.

I went to California and I felt better in the moment I saw the Walk of Fame and the Hollywood sign, that was good to distract me. It made me feel better.

My boyfriend, actually ex-boyfriend was always calling me, but I was still kind of mad at him.

Than in the other day I was sleeping and my cell phone rand really really early.

It was my lcc checking me out, she wanted to know if I was ok, I didn't undestand what was wrong and then she said: I'm so sorry about you, your new host family is going out of the program.

I started to cry so badly, because I was supposed to be moving in 3 days to the new house, I thought that was the end of the world for me, the lcc kept saying: Oh you're going to be fine...We're doing our best to help you, please don't worry. When she hung up the phone, I couldn't stop crying, because in 3 days I would be going back to Boston and I didn't have a family. To be honest, that was the worse moment in my life, really, I never felt like that before, not only because of the family but I had just broke up with my boyfriend too, so how was I supposed to feel? Then for wherever reason he called me, I answered crying still, then I told him all the situation and he was really sad, he said he didn't want live away from me. After that, a placement manager called and said she had a family in Massachusetts for me, I spoke with the woman and she asked me to open my CC account, I opened and the family application was already there, it was a family from Hingham - MA, where my best friend lives, you all know her, Lilly, from the Au Pair orkut community. For me, that was a good sign.

The host mom called and she said she would wait until a get back from LA and we could meet.

I wanted get the first flight back to Boston, but was impossible, so I had to try calm down and enjoy the trip.

When I came back to Boston, the first thing I did was call the host mom, we spoke a little bit and we meet the very next day. Luckily, she liked me and I liked her too, we did the match and the next day I was moving to the new house.

She had an au pair in rematch and the girl was still here, she didn't have the heart to ask the girl to pack her things and leave the room or ask the girl to give back that cellphone. She said sorry to me, because the whole situation was awkward. In the beggining the au pair was mad at me, but then I helped her with the new family, so she came to me and said sorry about her behavior. And I was ok. But she is still here, I'm still in the guest room, my 10 boxes are still in the garage... Believe it or not, I'm ok, the children are very nice and seems to like me. So I'm not worried.

I gonna stop here, because it's already a huge post and nobody wants to read something big like this. I decided to post in english because my daddy asked to not post anything like that here, he doesn't like when our neighbors or friends come to ask bad things about me, like "Oh, I read on internet that you daughter was very close to be deported! is that true?" That's why I wrote in english, I know I lot of people can understand something or translate, but is still difficult, some will never know details about my life.

To be continued...

Beijos,

Michelle

PS. Desconsiderem os erros de ingles se vcs acharem, como todo mundo sabe eu vim aqui pra aprender, ainda to aprendendo neh.

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1 Ano de Estados Unidos!!!

Hello Everyone!

Hoje eu to vindo aqui para fazer meu post comemorativo de 1 ano nos Estados Unidos, eu nem acredito que passou tao rapido, eu passei por grandes mudancas em todos os sentindos, nao e' so' sair da sua casa e ir pro mundo, e' encarar uma nova lingua, uma nova cultura, que parece que nao, mas na verdade e' totalmente diferente da sua, novas pessoas, novo trabalho... Enfim muitas coisas e toda essa experiencia aqui, me fez mudar como pessoa, eu sei que eu nunca mais vou ser a mesma e sei que eu nunca vou esquecer o ano maravilhoso que eu tive aqui.

Vou fazer a famosa lista comemorativa de um ano de Estados Unidos:

1. Eu estive em 7 estados: New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, DC e California.
2. Viajei muito, coisa que eu amo! A maior parte das vezes sozinha.
3. Melhorei muito meu ingles, cheguei aqui bem, mas hoje eu converso muito.
4. Estudei em Harvard, meu sonho!
5. Passei a dirigir longas distancias, tipo 2 horas e meia dirigindo e tal...
6. Me apaixonei.
7. Vivi de verdade as 4 estacoes do ano, a minha favorita e' o outono!
8. Comprei muito.
9. Me diverti muito.
10. Aprendi a dar valor ao meu pais.
11. Passei a ser mais educada do que ja' era.
12. Me tornei mais responsavel do que ja' era tambem.
13. Aprendi a me virar sozinha e encarar qualquer coisa.
14. Amadureci muito.
15. Vivi um ano muito feliz! Marcou a minha vida pra sempre!

Enfim por hoje e' so', eu tenho muitas coisas pra falar mas nao posso no momento, depois de amanha eu vou poder falar e claro venho contar tudo sobre a minha viagem pra California neh.

Beijos,

Michelle

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